Top Ego

What is this? Simply, my unsimple ego. Doesn't look like much, but it sure can get you in trouble.

The military spends money to squeeze egos. In my case, good tax dollars ... were wasted. Ah, Bootcamp ... any ego's heaven ... if, previously, you've been behind bars ... or in a casket.

In the movie, "Top Gun", the captain told Tom Cruise, "Son, ... your ego's writing checks ... (puff) your body cannot cash!" Deja vu

My loose-cannon ego ... shot off jokes ... the Navy could not afford . .. Everyone wanted hazardous duty pay!

In Norfolk, town folks welcomed us with friendly signs, "Dogs and sailors, ... stay off the grass!
Since they included dogs,  I guess they meant their yards.

In my ego's .. angelic innocence, I learned "Red sky at night, sailor's delight. Red sky in the morning, sailors take warning."

An older shipmate laughed, "No, Bob, it's ... `Red lights ... at night, ... sailors take warning .. of delights before morning.'"

Heights did not scare my ego. Aboard ship, I volunteered that I loved ... getting high! Captain said, "Great! ... you can fix my t.v. antenna ... on yonder yardarm." (captain points to his right) This long, narrow yardarm was the highest ... 100 feet above the waterline. It wildly magnified the ship's movements. Lucky for the navy, that whiplashed antenna was not ... someone's neck. ouch ... that hurt ... is there a lawyer in the audience?

After a storm, Captain challenged me, "Son, has your ego vowed ... what your body won't do? Don the safety belt and fix my antenna ... please."

Please? To fix his toy, He could ask ... but not command.

To his dismay, I walked the walk ... without the safety belt.

Was my ego brainless? No. Falling with a safety belt ... would have swung me into jagged equipment. I preferred a leisurely swan dive.

In the movie, "Crimson Tide", Gene Hackman told Denzel Washington, "Son, our job is to defend democracy, ... not to practice it." Deja vu

When my puppy dog ... died, mama phoned, "Dog gone. Come home." I asked Captain for that oxymoron, a liberty card. Now I ask you, if you have liberty, do you need a liberty card?... With gleaming eyes, Captain said, "Noooo."

My acro-batic ego is now acrophobic. Heights scare me.

Now, ... sidewalk curbs petrified me. When I navigate a curb with a safety belt ... I proudly recall the words of the first man to walk on the moon: "a small step for mankind a big one for Bob."

If ... I commit suicide ... by jumping from a window, it will be-e-e-e ... a basement window-o-o. Anything higher ... would scare my ego to death

What indicates a big ego? An angel attitude? Buying "smart" pills? A "p l u m p" ego, has too much ego, and price shops ... (Can you guess?)... frontal lobotomies.

To explore your ego, become a boy scout ego scout.
To reduce your ego, JOIN Egos watchers.
If troubled by a split personality, JOIN Egos Anonymous.
In neither case should you JOIN ... Egos Masters.
Look what happened to me! Actually, my ego doesn't want more competition..

Seriously, I've tried, as you can tell, to sit on my ego. Like testing my faith, testing my ego merely makes it merrily bigger.

25 years and 25 pounds ago, I tried to shrink ... my ego, by posing ... in the nude for art classes.

So, what do you think shrunk? My ego? No. The audience. Notice I did not say the ordinance.


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